Transition and Transformation
by ngcskate
Summary: How does one deal with a sudden change in their life?  A change they could never have predicted?  The following story is based on the short scene in Twilight when Carlisle changes Edward to a vampire.  Thanks for reading, please review!
1. Chapter 1

Carlisle's POV

I waited outside the quarantine room, looking on as the ward nurse mopped his brow. She felt sorry for him, the worry was written plainly on her face. 'He's so young.' she always fretted after tending to him. 'It's just not fair that someone so young should be taken like this.' . She held his raised hand tenderly and then looked my way. Running her hand over his forehead once more, she left the room hurriedly. "He wants to speak with you," she murmured, as she passed by me at the doorway, giving me a wide berth, as always. I entered the room silently and pulled a chair over to his bedside. I looked down at the poor young man, his features serene, and his body momentarily pain free as the medicine I had administered earlier coursed through his veins."Am I going to die?"

His whisper was faint, but I heard it quite clearly. I tried to keep my overwhelming feeling of pity for him from my eyes. "We're doing all we can, but your illness is very advanced." He nodded slowly, comprehension dawning in his eyes, before he turned away from me and tried to clutch his bible in his weak hands. He was going to die, that was certain. The Spanish influenza epidemic had struck our fair city of Chicago hard, with thousands of people losing their lives. He was just the next one of many unfortunates that would soon die. His father had already succumbed days ago and his mother had passed the day before. The poor boy was so ill, he wasn't even aware of their deaths. I didn't see much point in informing him and making his final hours full of grief as well as pain. His mother was the reason I was here sitting here beside him now. Her last words ran through my head as I stared down at her boy. _"Save him Dr. Cullen! I know you can! You can do what no other doctors in the world can do. Make him strong and beautiful again. Please!"_I stared down at him once more, not sure that I could take this young God fearing man. He would surely hate me for what I was thinking of doing.

"_Don't let my boy die, Dr. Cullen!"_

I winced as Elizabeth Masen's words rang out in my head. I had decided, finally. I would save her boy – the only way I knew how. I leaned down and stroked his fevered brow as I grasped his hand; I whispered reassurances in his ear. His eyes closed as his lips curled into a slight smile. Then the screaming began.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Edward's POV**_

** I woke up slowly, not sure where I was. Nothing in the room seemed familiar to me. I was on a hospital bed in a large room, with a fireplace on the wall opposite my bed and a great many bookcases, their shelves brimming over with volumes. I could make out some of the titles scrolled along the spines of the books. I wondered briefly how I was able to read something so far away from me when I realized how bright and extremely clear everything seemed to be. It didn't appear that I was in the hospital anymore, but how could that be? I rubbed my eyes and looked around the large room. I had been so ill. The ward doctor had practically reassured me that I was on the brink of death. Perhaps that was it. I was dead. I could still recall the seemingly never-ending burning pain that had made me cry out constantly for someone to take mercy on my soul and kill me so that I could be put out of my misery. The pain felt like flames tearing their way through my body, ravaging anything in their path. As the fiery inferno finally ceased I was sure that I had died. I actually welcomed death after that hellish torture. But this didn't look like Heaven – or Hell. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the young doctor that had tended to me in the ward enter the room.**

**"Where am I?" The sound of my voice shocked me. It was my voice, but something was decidedly different about it. Maybe it was just the fact that I was healthy again…or dead.**

**"Home." he replied simply. **

**"This place is not my home." I knew that much for certain. My home, although certainly upper class, was not as lavish as this place appeared to be.**

**"For all intents and purposes, and I suppose, for as long as you wish, this is now your home.""Why am I here? Am I healed? I was very ill, wasn't I?" I questioned. "I felt like I was on fire…the burning…I thought I was dying. Am I dead?"**

**The doctor sighed and looked away from me.**

**"Please tell me what has happened to me!" ****I pleaded. "Why am I not in the hospital anymore?"**

**"It's a story I don't know if you are ready to hear." The doctor sat across from me and crossed his arms over his chest. **

**"I'm ready." I insisted. It was strange, but after feeling weak for so long, and after waking from I presumed to be a lengthy sleep I was feeling surprisingly strong. I pushed myself up in the bed and studied the doctor's tortured face. "What's wrong, why do you look like that?"The doctor tented his fingers under his chin and sighed. "You will find out soon enough. I willtell you what you need to know now, the rest of the story can wait until you fully understand your...situation." He drew in a breath and began. "My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I was your attending doctor in the hospital during the influenza outbreak. I also looked after your mother and father. Your mother asked...she asked that I look after you. That I made sure you survived your illness." **

**"Obviously you were successful, so for that I must thank you." I said sincerely.**

**"Don't be so quick to thank me, young man, you haven't heard the whole story." Carlisle cautioned. "You were quite right, you were very ill. To be honest, you were not going to survive, the influenza had completely taken over and there was nothing more I could do for you. Your mother however, was very insistent. She seemed to sense that there was one more thing I could do, one very drastic measure that could save your life."**

**"I fail to see the problem. You are a doctor, you're supposed to save lives if you are able."**

**"I used rather...unusual...methods...to help you." The doctor chose his words very carefully.**

**I was becoming rather frustrated with Dr. Cullen. "Will you please just let me know what you've done for me?" I was once more surprised at the sound of my voice - loud and strong and with a touch of what sounded like a growl. "Why am I here with you and not in the hospital or at home?**

_**"I'm so sorry."**_

**I heard the words as clearly as if the doctor had spoken them out loud, but his lips never once wavered. The shock must have shown on my face, the doctor was studying me carefully, still not saying anything, not out loud anyway.**__

_**"What is the matter, has he somehow realized?" **_

**The doctor raised an eyebrow as he stared at me.**

"**I haven't realized anything! What is wrong with me? What did you do?" I raged.**

_**"My God. Can you understand what I am thinking?"**_

"**Stop!" I demanded. "I must have gone mad. Am I in an asylum?"**

_**"You poor boy, you're not insane."**_

"**I am!" I screamed. "I can hear your thoughts!"**

**The doctor gasped, his face registered shock for only a moment and then settled back to gentle calmness. "Your mother insisted I save your life, Edward. I did all I could with the regular methods available to me. You were far too ill. I did the only thing I was able in order to honour your mothers wishes."**

"**Please tell me, I fear I'm going insane!" I grasped the bed rail to pull myself out of the bed and stared down at my hand in horror as the solid bar snapped in my grip. I looked wildly around the room, desperate for an explanation, but Dr. Cullen seemed to have disappeared. I glanced down at the jagged piece of metal clutched in my hand and tossed it to the floor. Once again I was shocked as the metal bar lodged itself into the floor. Even when I was completely healthy, I would never have been able to break a metal bed frame. Or throw something so hard it would go right through the floor. Something was dreadfully wrong with me. Dr. Cullen suddenly appeared once again at my side.**

"**I'm a vampire, Edward. I bit you on the neck and allowed the venom to work its way through your body. The burning sensation you felt, that was part of the transformation. You are now like me. You are now a vampire."**

"**No." I shook my head violently. "Vampire! Vampires don't exist****! I am crazy. You probably aren't even really here, you are a figment of my imagination." I reached out to touch Dr. ****Cullen, but he had somehow disappeared from my side and now stood on the opposite side of the large room. I got up from the bed, ready to walk over to him. I thought it would take some time, my legs were shaking and I felt so awkward, but I appeared next to him in mere seconds.**

"**Take this." The doctor commanded. He held out a small rock and dropped it into myhands. I caught it and watched in shocked silence as it crumbled to dust as my fingers grasped it.**

"**I'm afraid it's true Edward. You are now a vampire. You are incredibly strong and very fast, more than most of our kind, from what I've observed so far, and apparently you have some other abilities as well. You are a vampire. It was all I could do."**

"**All you could do?" I scoffed. "Dying would have been better than being a monster."**

"**Perhaps, but you don't have to be a monster. Did I seem like a monster when I treated you in the hospital?"**

"**This is madness!" I shook my head again. "There are no such things as vampires! I'm just dreaming. I'm going to wake up and…" As I ranted, I felt a cool breeze through an open window and an overwhelming desire suddenly came over me. I slumped to the floor and began crawling towards the nearest exit, ignoring the table and bits of flooring that I destroyed as I went.**

**"Edward?"**

**I paid him no attention, finally reaching the door and I leaned against it, sighing in relief. I could smell it better here. The dreadful need swelled within me.**

"**No Edward, you mustn't."**

**I stared at him in curiosity. Vampires need blood. According to him I was now a vampire. I was feeling the need to feed. To feel the incredible thirst for some innocent persons life's blood. Itwas so overwhelming; it started to make me feel like I was going mad again. I tried to push the sensation away. I didn't want to feel like that. But nothing else would quiet the desires of this strange new body of mine right now.**

"**That smell…is it blood? I want it!" The sound of my own voice frightened me now. It was demanding and full of desire. **

**Carlisle knelt down in front of me and grasped my wrists. "I have never fed from a human, ever. I can teach you my ways. I can teach you how to co-exist with humans. To live a somewhat normal life."**

**I scoffed again. "Nothing will ever be normal again." I groaned loudly as someone passed byoutside. The smell was exquisite. I raised my head and breathed in deeply as my thirst rose to the forefront again.**

"**Edward." Carlisle cautioned in a low, warning voice. He moved closer, watching me carefully.**

"**The smell…it's delicious…I…need…God…I need it!" My words horrified me, but they were thetruth. I needed it badly. My new body carried me swiftly to another door, away from Carlisle. My hands pulled the doorknob right out of the solid wood that encased it, in my haste to capture that scent, to have the blood that now seemed like a drug to me. Carlisle was beside me instantly, dragging me back into the house. I struggled to remove myself from his strong arms. He had to understand my need! I could hear growling that sounded like a wild dog. I tried to deny that the sounds were coming from me even though I could feel the deep, rumbling snarls within my chest. **

"**Here." Carlisle attempted to push a flask into my shaking hands, then gave up and held it to my lips. "Drink. It will stave off your thirst for the moment." I let him pour the thick liquid down my throat, ashamed at myself for the childish need to have him feed me because of my weakness and thankful for quenching the unbearable thirst at the same time. It was the most wonderful elixir I had ever tasted. I eventually took the flask from him, drinking deeply, shaking it for every drop and licking the rim, careful not to miss any.**

"**Was that…human?" I asked, fearfully. "It doesn't smell the same."**

"**No." Carlisle shook his head. "I told you - never human. I keep a supply of deer and bear blood for times when I am unable to get away to hunt, it holds off the hunger."**

"**I need more." My voice sounded pitiful, like a begging child.**

**Carlisle laughed. "I had forgotten the intensity of the newborn thirst!"**

"**Newborn?" I raised an eyebrow.**

"**It's how we, our kind, refers to newly transformed vampires. You are entirely new. Your body – inside and out, your abilities, your sensibilities, everything about you is new." Carlisle explained.**

"**I need more." I repeated. "I can smell it, it's driving me mad!" I started to rise, moving towards the door once more. **

**Carlisle regarded me with careful eyes, like he was afraid I was going to attack him. His thoughts mirrored the look in his eyes. He was unsure about many things – my strength, my speed, my anger towards him, how deep my thirst was. Carlisle needn't worry, he didn't haveany of what I was craving.**

"**We'll go hunting, Edward. Right away. I'll teach you what to do." He put his hands on my shoulders, preventing me from leaving the house.**

"**I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm afraid of what I might do out there." I whispered. I meant my words. Even though I knew I needed the blood in the worst way, I didn't want to harm a human to get it, but I didn't know how to stop myself. **

"**You won't hurt anyone, Edward. I'll keep you away from humans until you have learned some control, some patience."**

"**How long will I be like this?" I questioned, meaning how long would I be this needy for blood, surely the constant need must wane at some time? My answer came unspoken.**

"_**For time eternal."**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Carlisle's POV**

**I loaned Edward some of my hunting clothes and summoned my driver while he dressed. I requested the driver to draw the curtain across the cab and instructed him to not ask questions, regardless of what he may hear. As far as he knew, I was escorting a mentally ill patient to the asylum, which was conveniently located close to the forest. I knew I was taking a great risk by having him drive us. It would be pure hell for Edward to have a human that close so soon after his change. But we couldn't travel on foot, even with our speed, we'd still be too close to humans for Edward. His thirst would likely cause him to bolt from the vehicle at the first moment if he was left unattended if I drove. I hated breaking a promise to him and giving him yet another reason to despise me. As I escorted him to the car, I explained my plans for the next few days. I also warned him about the driver. Edward stared at me , his eyes wild. He looked terrified.**

"**No!" he moaned. "I'm so thirsty! I'll kill him!"**

"**No, you won't, Edward. I'll be with you. I'll prevent you from harming him."**

"**I'm nothing but a damn animal!" He pounded his head with his hands and started screaming. "I hate this! Make it stop, Carlisle! Just kill me, please, kill me!" His screaming broke off into loud sobbing. "Please make it stop!" He stared at me with eyes that were as red as the blood he craved so fiercely, his need clearly visible.**

"**I will, Edward." I soothed. "You'll feel much better after we hunt."**

"**I need it now." He begged, his voice ragged. "I know I'll kill him."**

**I ushered him into the rear of the car and held him tightly in my arms. He was much stronger than I had initially thought. He screamed and growled, his teeth snapping at me, begging me to let him feed. He must have read my thoughts again as he defiantly yelled, "I'll never get used to this! Never!". I let him carry on, wincing at his words. It was very odd that I had decided to change a young man whose attitude so mirrored my own after my transformation. It was almost like reliving my newborn days. It would get easier, but he was correct, you never get used to it.**

**Edward's POV**

**The short drive to the forest had been the worst experience of my life – vampire or human. Carlisle held me tightly and tried his best to calm me, but I had been beyond reasoning. My thirst was great and Carlisle's driver's blood smelled so good to me. I wanted nothing more than to jump into the front seat and let his blood spill into my mouth and quiet the burning ache in my throat. The pain was exactly like the torturous inferno my body had endured recently, but was now concentrated in one small area. The same inferno that had changed me into this monster that now only wanted the blood of innocent people. The smell of the blood and the closeness of the human was driving me insane. I knew I was screaming and trying to harm Carlisle, but I couldn't control myself. Finally the vehicle stopped and Carlisle thanked the driver before sending him away and telling him not worry about his return. He ushered me quickly out of the vehicle and pulled me toward the nearby stand of trees.**

**When we were safely into the forest, I eagerly grabbed the first animal I saw and tore into it, savouring the blood as it flowed down my throat. Carlisle patiently waited while I finished off what turned out to be a rabbit, then he showed me how to properly track the animals. He explained how to take them down and where the pressure points were for the best blood flow. Carlisle told me that deer and bear, any large animal really, were the best for us, but anything would do when in dire need. Carlisle took down a few deer, demonstrating his technique, while I looked on, trying to hold my thirst at bay, eager for my own chance. Finally, he let me go on my own to try and catch something.**

**I stood still and breathed the forest air in deeply. Breathing was unnecessary for me now, but it was a familiar sensation and it made the forest smells much more clear. I could sense a deer was nearby. I moved closer, tracking it silently and swiftly, just the way Carlisle had shown me. My muscles tensed as I came up behind the animal and I leaped upon the deer with speed and strength I had never thought possible. It fell and I feasted eagerly, hopefully driving away the incessant thirst for the time being. After I caught a few more deer, and was feeling full and less crazed, Carlisle and I sat in a clearing to rest.**

"**How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked. "Your eyes don't look quite as…red now, you must be full."**

"**What do you mean? My eyes are green." I protested.**

"**You're a vampire. Right now your eyes are blood red, eventually, after a few months or so, they will turn golden." Carlisle explained, leaning closer as he opened his eyes wide so I could see the color. "I believe they turn golden because of the animal blood. Other vampires who feed exclusively on humans have eyes that remain a crimson red, but the few I'm aware of that feed on animals have the same golden eyes as mine. Then, when you are thirsty, they will turn pitch black."**

**I shook my head slightly. "I feel full, but I can still smell it. I still want it."**

"**We'll stay out here for a few days and make sure you are fully satisfied before we go home."**

**"Home?"**

"**My home is your home, Edward. I would be honoured if you would consider staying." I ignored that statement and all the implications that his thoughts brought with it and pressed on to another issue. "We don't have any supplies."**

**Carlisle laughed. "There is so much you need to learn. We don't need any supplies, Edward. For all intents and purposes, our bodies are dead. We don't get cold, we don't get warm, we don't sleep, we don't eat and we don't age. The weather isn't an issue for vampires." He looked up as ****the sun broke through the clouds. "Although, this kind of weather is an issue for us."**

**I stared in awe as Carlisle stood and removed his hunting jacket and shirt. His skin glittered and shone in the sunlight like a million diamonds. It reminded me of the diamond heart that my mother had worn on her favourite bracelet and how it shone when she held her arm out to admire the gem as it twisted and turned on her wrist. I held out my hands and looked at them, sparkling and shining, reflecting the suns rays. The effect was stunning, but it sickened me. **

"**We need to stay away from all humans on sunny days." Carlisle warned. "Our skin would show our secrets instantly. I find sunny weather is a good time to disappear and hunt."**

"**You say you don't feed from humans." I said, as Carlisle sat beside me once again. "But you bit me." "I bit, but I didn't feed from you." Carlisle looked up to the sky, his expression pained. "If I had, you'd be dead. I had no intention of killing you. It takes control to be able to stop, to be able to know when to stop."**

"**I wouldn't be able to stop."**

"**No, not right now." Carlisle chuckled softly. "You are far too new for that. When we are new and taste the blood, we just want it all, we don't want to stop."**

**I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as Carlisle's thought entered his head and mine. "You found it hard to stop, didn't you? Have you never done this before? Made someone like me?" I questioned.**

"**No." Carlisle sighed. "Your blood was the first human blood I have ever tasted. It was very tempting to just keep drinking from you and let you die. Your blood did taste very good." Carlisle's mouth twisted into a grim smile. "You were so ill and your time was near anyway. No one would have known the truth about your death. This was a monumental decision for me, Edward. I would never want to inflict this curse on someone that had another choice. You were dying…" his words trailed off. "It will get better, I promise you. You will see how I exist with my staff and the staff at the hospital." **

"**Why me?" I had been wondering this from the first moment that I had realized what I had truly become. "Why me over all those other people at the hospital"? **

"**Your mother…" he began to explain.**

"**No, you've told me that. Why didn't you bite her? Or my father? Why did you curse me to this fate?"**

**I could hear his thoughts jumbling together and I couldn't make out any one clear thought. Finally, he looked over to me and sighed deeply. "I was very lonely, Edward. Obviously, no one knows what I am. No one can ever know. I have my staff at home and the staff at the hospital but I can't socialize with them. I can't talk to them about any issues I might have with my…life. A vampire's life is a very sad and lonely existence. When your mother asked me to save you…Edward, I didn't want to do it. Of course, I hate to see anyone die, but I was going to let you die naturally, the way God intended it." He paused, looking up to the sky again. "But your mother's voice would not leave my head, her words echoed incessantly, demanding that I save you." He looked at me once more and smiled sadly. "How could I deny her that one dying wish?"**

"**You…you did this…to me, because you were…lonely?" I struggled to get the words out.**

"**Not entirely."**

"**You turned me into this bloodthirsty monster just so that you could have a companion?" I knew my voice was rising, but I couldn't contain my anger.**

"**Edward, it's not like that." Carlisle said, calmly.**

**I stood and moved away from him, swiftly travelling from our spot in the clearing to a lush area, deep in the woods. I was, naturally, still unaware of just how fast I was in this strange new form and I was miles away from Carlisle in just a few moments. I walked for a bit, marvelling at the speed I moved through the forest, even though I was just wandering. I had to be away from him and gather my thoughts. I finally stopped and sat at the base of a tree, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them. I willed the tears to come, the sobs were certainly wrenching forth from my throat easily enough. For some reason, the discovery that I couldn't cry anymore angered me more than almost anything else I'd had to digest during this bizarre day. I twisted to punch the tree trunk that supported me and was entirely unsurprised to see my hand disappear into it with ease.**

"**Why didn't you just let me die?" I screamed in anguish. **


	4. Chapter 4

_**Carlisle's POV**_

**He finally came back hours later. His clothes were tattered and covered in blood. His expression was set, extremely hard to read. I had heard him screaming, of course. His tortured cries were as clear as if he had been sitting right beside me. He sat down with me as if his outburst had never happened. I waited patiently for him to find the words he needed to say to me.**

**"I'll stay with you." Edward began. "But it's not because I feel any sense of gratitude towards you."" He glared at me. "I'm going to stay with you because you are the only one who can teach me how to live like…this. You are the only one that can show me how to not harm humans."**

**His face was very serious and I knew instantly he would be a very good vampire. He wanted to learn. Edward would follow the rules I had set for myself and live a peaceful life. And his surprising gift for reading minds could only be a positive tool for his future. I had chosen well. As I studied his stern face though, I couldn't stop myself from wondering if he had harmed anyone while he had been away. His dishevelled appearance, the blood on his clothes, all spoke of an encounter of the human variety.**

**Edward had stopped speaking and was looking at me strangely.**

**"What is it?"**

**"Please ask me questions directly. I'm not comfortable with hearing the questions in your head. It's very strange."**

**"I'm sorry, Edward. I know this new sense must be hard for you to adjust to. I'll try harder to quiet my thoughts."**

**"I didn't hurt anyone." He answered my unspoken question for me. "I just took down a few more deer and, I think, some elk." He glanced down at himself and offered a shy smile. It was the first time he had smiled since awakening this morning and it made me smile in return. "I guess I need more practice, you haven't even got a drop of blood on you."**

**"You have all the time in the world to practice, Edward. I have a feeling you will be able to master anything you set your mind to." I assured him.**

_**Edwards POV**_

**Carlisle thought I would be a good vampire. I had to rein back my laughter when I heard that. How does one be a good vampire? It went against all common sense. But he was right about one thing. I did want to learn. I didn't want to be a killer, running senselessly through the streets of Chicago, biting the necks of my unsuspecting human prey. I would stay with him and study at his side. I would become as good at being a pretend human as he was.**

**"So what happens now? What do you…what do we do?"**

**"We'll stay at the house for awhile, until you are more accustomed to your new life. Then I suppose we shall have to move on to another city."**

**I looked at him curiously. "Why is that? Surely, you can't just leave your patients?"**

**"What do you think would happen if someone sees you? After I've convinced everyone you died from the influenza?"**

**"You told them I died?" I let that thought roll around in my head for a moment. What else could Carlisle have told people? Certainly not the truth. It was probably far better that any friends or relations believe I was dead than to know that I was now a killer.**

**Carlisle nodded, his eyes closed as he relived his decision to transform me into a vampire. I could feel the searing pain once more as his memories filled my head as well.**

**"After I bit you to begin the change, I had to convince the staff to leave the floor. You were screaming in …", his eyes clouded over as his words broke off. "You…you were in extreme pain. It's been over 200 years and I can still recall that excruciating torture. I know how much it hurt and I apologize for causing you that pain." He looked at me, his eyes asking for forgiveness and I nodded shortly. "I told them you were in death throes and it was better if they leave to tend to other patients, to comfort them if they heard your screams."**

**Carlisle paused and took an unnecessary breath. I gave him the time he needed. It touched me and, at the same time, pleased me just a small bit that the memory was as painful for him as it was for me. As I waited for him to resume his story, my fingers moved to the area that Carlisle had bitten and I traced the scar carefully. I could barely feel it. I glanced over to Carlisle and saw the rough, circular scar on his throat. His fingers had pushed down his collar and were also tracing his scar, unconsciously copying my actions. In my head, I saw a brief flash of the horror in his eyes as the black eyed demon ravaged his throat, then he closed me out. Carlisle breathed deeply and continued.**

**"I wheeled your bed to the morgue and bundled you in death blankets , then I smuggled you into my car. Fortunately, I had driven myself that morning. I don't think Frederick would have been able to withstand your cries."**

**I smiled to myself. Frederick must be the driver whose blood smelled so delicious.**

**"You went through the rest of your transformation at my home. It was horrifying watching your change. I had no idea if I'd done it properly. I didn't know if I had caused you more pain than necessary or if I had done this to you and it was all in vain. Your screams…" he shook his head. "I'm so sincerely sorry, Edward."**

**I nodded briefly again, unsure of how to respond. Obviously, Carlisle was feeling great remorse over his decision, but I still held some anger towards him.**

**"What happens when you…we…move? What about my things…my home?" I asked. I wanted to say more, but I heard my voice cracking and I stopped myself.**

**"Well, your parents…" Carlisle began.**

**"I know, I know, I saw it in your thoughts." I muttered. "They're gone too."**

**Carlisle sighed. "I believe your uncle is looking after the sale of the house and contents."**

**"I would very much like to have some of my things, my books and journals especially."**

**"I kept your bible for you." Carlisle almost whispered, but I heard him clearly.**

**My mouth dropped open. "You kept it for me?"**

**"It seemed rather important to you." Carlisle replied simply.**

**"It was." I replied, my voice tinged with bitterness. "It belonged to my grandpapa." I stared down at the ground, frowning. "I don't know that it will be of much use to me now."**


	5. Chapter 5

Carlisle's POV

Edward and I spent the next morning hunting. He was becoming very skilled at tracking the animals, it seemed that with every kill he was more accurate and his speed astounded me. I'd never seen anything like it. He could sense a deer miles away and be feeding from it in seconds. He had a voracious appetite, even for a newborn. After running the parameter of the forest and ensuring that no humans were in the area, I would watch as Edward ran and hunted freely. He seemed to revel in the freedom to be able to just run and try out his new skills in the solitude of the forest. He hadn't spoken much since the night before, the only words we had exchanged were about hunting. I let him be. I knew only too well how overwhelming it was to realize that your life was suddenly and irrevocably changed.

"When are we going…home?"

I looked up from my kill and over to Edward, who was sitting at the base of a tree across the field. I was startled by the sound of his voice after almost a full day of silence. His words had faltered slightly, even though he was trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. He wasn't able to keep the emotion from his face though.

"_You look so upset. Everything is going to be alright."_

"I'm not upset."

"_Feeling more comfortable with reading my mind?" _I asked, silently

"No, it's still a very bizarre feeling." he admitted.

"_We can go home whenever you feel ready…son." _I tested out the word, unsure of how he would react to it.

"I don't like it. You're not my father. You're nothing like my father."

"Edward, I thought it would be best…" I began to explain. I was beginning to see myself as his father, or at least a father figure. He had no one else to lead him now. He'd even said I was the only one that could teach him to live peacefully among humans.

"No. Especially because of what you did to me."

This would take some getting used to. I wasn't sure if it was possible to silence your thoughts, but I would need to figure out a way around Edward's gift.

"I don't like being able to hear your thoughts anymore than you enjoy sharing them." Edward spit out. He turned on his heel and crossed his arms over his chest. "May we please go home now?"

I wanted to ensure that Edward's newborn appetite was fully satisfied before we made our way back to the city. We would be travelling by foot and I wanted to minimize the chance that temptation would make Edward succumb to his thirst. I implored him to take down a few more deer, just to be sure. He scowled at me, but dutifully sped off towards the forest without comment.

As we started on our journey home, Edward remained silent. I left him alone with his thoughts. He would adjust, I was sure of that point. He'd only had a couple of days to absorb his new life. At this same point in my life, the realization of what I had become had me screaming in agony and trying to throw myself off of tall buildings in a vain effort to kill myself. Edward was seemingly faring much better than I had. I would let him be and give him time to learn and space to be alone. What more could I do?

"_Edward, you are a fine young man and will lead an honourable existence. Thank you for choosing to stay with me and giving me the opportunity to teach you my ways." _

Edward continued to march on, not giving me any sign that he had read my thoughts. Suddenly, I froze. The scent of a human was in the air. I don't know how I missed the scent earlier, this human was close. Too close. Before I could react, Edward tensed his muscles, growled and attacked. The hunter didn't have time to turn around. Edward had leaped onto his back and bitten the man's neck before he knew what was happening. At least he was merciful, the poor soul didn't have time to feel any pain. Edward had probably drank half his blood before I regained my senses and urged him to stop, to remember that he had to control himself. He lifted his head and stared at me with tortured eyes, before dipping back down to the man's throat and resuming his feeding frenzy. He drained the body of its blood and let it fall to the forest floor. Refusing to look at me, he turned away and began to run. After a few moments, I caught up to him and kept pace at his side.

"You're angry with me." he stated.

"I'm disappointed." I admitted.

"I couldn't control myself, the smell…" Edward let his words drift off, his eyes closing at the memory. "It tasted so much better than the animals, Carlisle. It was exquisite."

"I will never know, Edward. You know that I feel that it's not right to take a human life."

"You took mine!" Edward wheeled around, his teeth bared and a low growl coming from his throat. "You didn't seem to have a problem with attacking me and turning me into a monster!"

"Let's go home, Edward. We can work on your self control there." I moved to put my arm around his shoulder and he darted quickly away.

"Please don't touch me!"

"Edward…" I said out loud. _"You did nothing wrong ."_

He glared at me, his eyes wild. "Be angry with me!" he screamed. "I just killed a man!"

"It was your natural instinct." I replied, calmly. _"You didn't mean any harm."_

"I'm a cold blooded killer!"

"You will learn control, Edward. You will. You will learn how to resist the strong siren call of human blood."

"I'm a monster!"

"No, you're not. You are still learning, Edward. You are not a monster." I remained calm, I knew this had been a momentary lapse from a newborn vampire. It was an event not entirely unexpected. _"It was a momentary lapse, Edward. Do not be upset with yourself."_

He turned to face me, his eyes still blazing. "Let's just go home, like you said."

Edward's POV

We arrived back in the city late at night. Carlisle wanted to avoid exposing me to any people that might be on the streets and thought that later would be better. We moved swiftly through the night, only stopping briefly to let the occasional vagrant pass. Carlisle restrained me silently, encouraging me with his thoughts and pleading eyes to practice self control. It was difficult, my every muscle and sense wanted to attack. That first taste of human blood had me now craving it, even though I was more than full from the animals…and the human. Whenever we hid in the shadows to let an unfortunate soul pass us, I could feel my muscles tensing, preparing to leap to the kill. My mouth filled with fluid, which I surmised to be the vampire venom, and I growled a low warning. I let Carlisle's constant, silent refrain - _"No, Edward. Remember you don't want to hurt anyone." _- take over my brain and I struggled to hold myself back. As we stepped onto Carlisle's street he praised me - _"Well done, son." - _and patted me on the back. When we arrived at Carlisle's house, I stared in awe. The house had to be one of the largest in the city and possibly the most lavish. I was sure it was a home whose architecture I had once admired once during a walk or drive. How very strange that it was now going to be my home for a short time. We entered quietly and I marvelled at how I could see everything clearly, even though it was pitch black inside. Carlisle silently ushered me up the staircase and opened the door to a large room at the top of the stairs.

"You don't need to sleep, of course, but you can have this room as your own, for your sanctuary." He gestured to a room down the hallway. "That room there is mine. My office and the library are downstairs just off of the great room. Please feel free to look around and help yourself to any books you may wish to read." Carlisle made a move to turn away. "I'll be in my office."

I watched him walk down the hall for a few moments before I spoke. "You're going to leave me alone?"

"_I thought that being alone was what you wished for."_

"I can't be trusted, Carlisle."

"_You may surprise yourself, Edward. I think that you possess more self control than you think ."_

"I shouldn't be left alone, I can't control these urges."

"_You can. You're very strong."_

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"_Doing what?"_

"Speak to me! Out loud! This is still all so bizarre."

Carlisle's face softened and he gestured for me to join him. "Let's go to the library and talk, Edward. I will answer any questions you have for me."


	6. Chapter 6

Carlisle's POV

Edward was turning out to be quite the emotional young man. During our hunting trip he had constantly shown his temper, his annoyance with me and my decision to change him. Now, however, at his first opportunity to be left alone to contemplate the situation, he again was upset and didn't want to be left alone. This I could understand though. He had so many things to digest and understand about his new existence. I knew that being alone was the last thing he truly wanted. How I wished there had someone to comfort me and reassure me after my change . Then again, my values were far different from most others of our kind. Possibly if someone had been there to teach me, I wouldn't have these values.

Edward entered the library a few steps behind me. I gestured to a chair that I had placed near my desk. He sat, then stared down at his hands as his fingers dug into the wood of the arms.

"I'm sorry." he murmured.

"It's quite alright, Edward. You're strong. Very strong. New vampires generally have much more strength than older ones. Normal human movements are now amplified because of our strength. I'll teach you how to control your motions so that you appear human." I gently smoothed the wood with one fingertip so that you could barely see the divots Edward had made.

He sat silently for several moments, his body motionless, but his eyes danced around the room. A frown marred his gentle features.

"Why me?"

It was the same query Edward had challenged me with in the forest. Suddenly, he stood before me, arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me.

I took a step towards him, my hand extended. "Edward. I wish to be honest with you, now and always. I had several reasons to change you into the person you are today."

"I'm no longer a person." Edward snarled. "I'm a vampire. A person has a soul and compassion. There's nothing human about me any more. I'm no better than an animal."

I took a step back as Edward lowered into a crouch and began to growl menacingly. Newborn vampires could be volatile and, even though he had been fairly controlled up to this point, Edward's emotions were raging. I mentally prepared myself for an attack.

"I don't want to fight you." Edward whispered, his voice horrified. "I don't understand why I reacted that way." Edward slumped into a nearby chair, his head in his hands. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are a newborn. Your natural instinct is to defend yourself. I'm actually quite surprised this hasn't happened sooner. Most newborns feel threatened by any other vampire, especially in close quarters." I explained.

"I don't want to hurt you." He sounded distressed. "I'm very sorry."

_"And you say there is nothing human about you anymore."_

I chuckled softly as I settled into my leather office chair. "Stop apologizing and let me continue with my reasons for changing you."

Edward nodded silently and waited patiently for me to continue.

"Your mother is the main reason I decided to change you. She seemed to know that I was something other than the doctor I presented myself to be. She had discovered my secret somehow and just before her death she demanded that I save you the only way I could."

"My mother asked for you to do this…to make me like you?"

I nodded my head. "I don't know how she knew, but she begged me to save you. Her exact words were to 'make you strong and beautiful again.'"

Edward's face twisted in pain, like he'd been struck.

"I spent a whole day thinking about it . It confounded me that your mother had discovered my carefully hidden secret. I still have no idea how she knew, what gave me away."

"Momma always knew what Father or I were thinking." Edward whispered. "We never were able to hide any secrets from her."

I quieted, deep in thought for a moment. _"Were you able to read others thoughts when you were a human?"_

"I did, on occasion, know what someone was thinking. I knew, for instance, if someone was coming to call for a visit to the house, or if Father was going to be delayed at work."

"_Perhaps you inherited that ability from your mother, and the transformation merely intensified it."_

Edward shrugged. "Please carry on."

"Your father had died, and then your mother, I knew you had no family left, much like myself. You were so ill, you weren't even aware of your parents passing. As I told you before, it was a monumental decision for me."

"I cannot believe this is the life my mother wanted for me."

"I'm sure she had no idea about the type of life a vampire leads, Edward, if she even did realize that's what I am. I truly believe she simply didn't want to see her beloved son buried in the ground at such a young age."

"But if Momma could read your thoughts, she knew you were a good vampire. She knew you didn't harm humans."

"Perhaps." I knew where his thoughts were headed so I remained silent.

"Maybe she requested this so that I wouldn't…die…so that I could stay young. She knew that you would look after me and ensure that I didn't harm humans as well. She would want me to lead a good life."

"Certainly."

"I've already failed her."

"Edward…"

He waved his hand at me. "Just carry on please. Momma's words were not the only reason you changed me."

"They were the main reason."

Edward merely stared at me.

"_Yes, I was lonely. I did want someone I could relate to, someone to share experiences with. I wanted a friend."_

"I had often though about changing someone, merely to have a companion that understood my…life, such as it is. But I could never bring myself to actually do it. It seemed to me to be a very selfish thing to even consider. How could I think of doing such a thing? Condemning someone to this lonely life? But I couldn't deny your mothers wishes and honestly…"

Edward looked at me expectantly as I paused, not sure if I should reveal the biggest secret I'd been keeping from him.

"You are exactly the type of man I would have wanted my son to be. I could tell when you were in the hospital that you were a decent, respectable young man and it pained me to think that someone was fortunate enough to have you as part of their family when I would never be able to have a family at all."

"But, my parents had already died. I no longer had a family."

"_I know. All I could hear were your mothers pleas and at that point I foolishly saw you and I as a family. I saw myself as a father figure to you."_

Edward silently paced around the room, his eyes sparking as my thoughts relayed to his brain. As he walked, his heavy steps tore up floorboards and tossed splinters of wood around the room.

Edward's POV

A family. Carlisle wanted us to be a family. I had just lost my parents and discovered I had been transformed into a vampire and he wanted to be my father.

"I'm sorry for the damage." I stared down at the ruined floor in dismay. "I'm sure you can understand that this is all so much to absorb. It still seems like a nightmare."

"I never expected you to be able to take it all in at one moment."

"Why is my voice different?" I turned away from Carlisle and stared at my image reflected back at me from the large mirror over the fireplace. I was me, but I was different. I hesitated to admit that I was far more handsome than I had been as a human, I wasn't that vain, but it was obvious that the soft, boyish face I once had was no longer. "Why do I look different?"

"As far as I have been able to discern, it's part of the transformation. You are now, in your most basic form, a predator. The worlds most amazing hunter. A partial reason for the transformation is to make you attractive to your prey, so that you can easily draw them in. Your prey is , of course, human." Carlisle coughed. "At least in most cases."

I continued to stare at my image. I lifted my arm and brushed my hand across the reflection, frowning as the glass cracked under the tips of my fingers. "I look so different, my face, my body, my eyes…"

"The eye color will change, Edward, it could take up to a year though. It is caused by the residual human blood left in your body after your transformation." Carlisle left unspoken the fact that feasting upon the human while I was in the forest had added to the blood in my system. I heard his thoughts, of course, and I frowned again, turning to look at him.

"How will I be able to interact with humans with my eyes like this? They will know right away that something is different about me."

"I won't let you be with humans for at least as long as that Edward. No matter how good your self control is, you are still a newborn, mistakes can still happen."

"Like in the woods." Edward said, bitterly.

"You are not a monster. It was a mistake!"

"I am an animal though. The growling, the preparation for the attack. It's completely animalistic."

Carlisle's POV

I sighed. I didn't know how to convince Edward that he wasn't an animal or a monster, even though I had felt much the same way after my transformation. It took decades for me to come to terms with my existence. It was wrong to expect Edward to be completely comfortable after just a couple of days.

"Someday, I will tell you the story of my transformation, Edward. Hopefully, you will understand more after hearing it."

I saw his shoulders twitch and his forehead creased in pain as an image of a younger Carlisle lying at the base of a rocky mountain flickered though my brain.

"Where shall we move, after you've taught me the basics, as it were?"

"We can go anywhere, Edward. Really. Anywhere you'd like. There is only one thing we will need to do."

"_You'll have to be some sort of family relation to me, otherwise people won't understand why a young man is staying with me."_

"You are going to have me call you Father any way you can, correct?" Edward looked sceptically at me. "You look far to young to have a son that is 17 years old, Carlisle."

"_A nephew, a cousin…"_

"Something. Yes, I suppose we can work something out." Edward nodded his head.

"Does that mean…?

Edward turned to face me, his features still troubled. "What other choice do I have? If I leave you and venture out on my own, I know I will kill people. I don't want that to happen." His voice was firm. "I'm afraid you have a large task ahead of you…Father."


	7. Chapter 7

Carlisle's POV

After our uneasy truce, Edward retreated to his room and I paced the length of my office several times over. I consciously kept an ear out for any sound from Edward. I was hopeful that he was merely doing the same thing I was, reviewing the events of the last few days and wondering about the future. I knew his intentions were good, but he was a newborn. I couldn't expect him to be able to honour those intentions just yet. Although I did hear sounds coming from his room throughout the night, I resisted the urge to visit him. He was letting out his aggressions and I let him be, even though I would have to explain the state of the room to my housekeeper sooner rather than later. As morning dawned brightly, I had let my guard down slightly. He had made it through his first night with humans in fairly close quarters, close quarters for vampires at least. I was proud of him. Just as I was about to head down the hallway to congratulate him, I heard a tortured scream, then silence. I sprinted out of my office and almost ripped the door to Edward's room off its hinges. I entered the room, my eyes warily registering the emptiness of it. Fearing that he had been unable to fight his urges and gone in search of human blood, I called out to his name as I frantically searched every corner and finally found him cowering behind the closet door, his hands clapped over his ears, his eyes rolling in their sockets, his body quivering.

"Edward, what's the matter?"

"How many people are downstairs? I can't smell anyone! Where are they all?"

"There's no one downstairs, Edward. What is wrong?"

"I can hear everyone! So many people! I can hear their thoughts! I can hear them all! I'm going mad!" he screamed.

I knelt down beside him and pulled him close to me. I centered my thoughts solely on him and silently sent him a question.

"_Can you hear me, Edward?"_

There was no response, except a slight nod, which may have occurred from the extreme shaking of his body.

"_Edward, listen to me!"_

I shook his shoulders gently to get his attention, then a bit more forcefully when he didn't respond.

"_Edward, focus on my voice! Try to listen to only me."_

Slowly, his eyes focused and his shaking stopped. He stared blankly at me.

"_Can you hear me Edward?"_

Edward nodded briefly, then his eyes twitched and closed.

"_Only me, Edward. Focus on my voice."_

Slowly, his eyes opened again and focused on my face.

"_Good, listen to me, try to ignore the other voices, just listen to me."_

He nodded again.

"_Try to pick out one or two of the other voices, tell me what you hear." _

I waited while he listened to the thoughts running through his mind. I had never considered the possibility that he could read people other than myself, Edward had never mentioned hearing anyone else, but it had only been a few days. Maybe his power needed time to work fully. How many could he read?

"I hear…someone is wondering where the doctor is, the patient needs him badly."

"_You can hear a nurse at the hospital?" _The hospital was almost a mile away from the house.

"I can read…she must be a nurse…Mrs. Oldfield…she's thinking about medication now…how much to give the patient."

He was hearing the thoughts of a woman a mile away from him. A woman he didn't know. Which meant that, from what he said about being able to hearing everyone, he must be hearing the thoughts of any person within that radius at the very least. Which must be maddening to him. I didn't even know how to advise him to handle it, this was a problem I had never dealt with in our kind. Edward was proving to be a very special vampire.

"I don't know what to say." I confessed, out loud. "You are very special. I've known of our kind possessing certain…talents…but never anything like this."

"Talent?" Edward spat in disgust. "This is not a talent!" It's a nightmare!"

I truly didn't know what to say. I couldn't imagine hearing so many voices in my head. Suddenly, Edward broke free from my grasp and dashed across the room. He smashed his head against the wall, over and over, roaring in frustration when nothing happened to stop the commotion running through his brain. I hurried to his side and embraced him tightly.

"Edward, we will work to make this tolerable for you, please stop." My arms held him firmly, but still he fought to end to the voices in his head.

"Son, please." I begged him. "Please stop this, I can't bear to see you like this." It took another plea, silent this time, before Edward began to quiet in my arms.

"Can you please talk to me like that some more." Edward asked, his voice muffled in the folds of my suit jacket.

"_Like this?" _I asked, silently.

"Yes." He nodded into my shoulder. "I can concentrate on listening for your voice. It drowns out the others, somewhat."

"_I will do whatever it takes to make this more bearable for you, son."_

I continued to hold Edward until his body stopped quaking. I silently sent him calming words, encouraged that he never once tried to escape my grasp.

"Will you tell me your story now?" Edward asked, quietly.

"_Of course. Let's go sit in the study." _I kept my arm about his waist, guiding him to the study, sending him silent thoughts of encouragement the whole while.

Edward settled into a chair cautiously, making sure he didn't damage the furniture even as he battled his frayed nerves. I decided to relate my story silently, hoping that would continue to calm him.

"I was born in London, England in the 1600's, the year doesn't really matter, I'm not even sure I remember the date anymore. My mother died giving birth to me. My father was an Anglican pastor who was trying to rid London of demons. He killed many innocent people, Edward, but he believed he was doing the right thing. My father grew ill, and passed his mission on to me. Even as a human, I abhorred hurting people. I didn't want to kill someone merely on a whim, because of something that proved them different from others. That doesn't make a person a demon. But, as luck would have it, the group I was with did stumble across a coven that dwelled under the London streets. We waiting for night , to ambush the demons but they were faster and stronger than we were. Two of my group were killed, as I was trying to escape, one of them dragged me away and attacked me. I knew that I would be killed if I were found. Anyone infected by the demons were burned to death. I hid in a nearby cellar hoping that anyone searching for me would give up after finding the bodies of my fellow hunters. The pain, as you know, was unbearable. I stayed silent and endured the agony, not wanting to alert anyone to my location. As the pain subsided and became an unquenchable thirst, I realized what I had become. I was horrified to realize that I was now a demon, destined to travel the night, attacking strangers for their life source - their blood."

Edward listened carefully, his eyes wide. "You were an unwilling victim?" he asked quietly.

"_Very much so."_

"Where were you…where did he…bite you?"

"_My throat, it was quite brutal and left a scar, even though most venom transfer sites heal cleanly. This ancient had no need to be careful with me."_

"You keep your neck covered."

"_I feel quite vulnerable with my neck exposed, even after all this time. And, of course, I need to keep the scar covered. I imagine it would raise a few questions." . _I hooked my fingers over my collar and pulled it down. Edward leaned forward and studied the scar. He looked at me questioningly, then gently ran his fingers over the ruined tissue of my throat. He sat back and his fingers traced over his transfer point, now completely healed. "Please carry on."

"As the realization of what I had become set in, the angrier I became. I climbed the highest mountain range and flung myself off the top in an attempt to kill myself. Of course, nothing happened other than perhaps a few crushed rocks where my body landed. Then, I threw myself into the ocean and let myself sink to the bottom of the sea. Time and time again, using all methods imaginable, I tried to end my life, to my dismay, nothing could harm me now.

Edward's face twisted in pain as my thoughts played out in his head. I didn't know if he could see what was happening as I thought, but I'm sure he could create graphic enough images from what I was telling him.

"I kept hidden by day and by night travelled to remote, less inhabited areas. I had decided to starve myself to death. Vampires survive on blood and I refused to partake of human blood. I didn't know how long it would take, but I decided that eventually starvation would rid the world of the demon I had become. Months and months passed. I became crazy with the thirst and extremely weak, but I still refused to submit to my urges. I merely hoped the end was near. One night, as I hid in the shadows, a herd of deer passed nearby. The smell of their blood was so delicious it nearly caused me to faint. Without thinking, I attacked the herd and drained them of their blood. As it filled me, I realized that it was satisfying my bloodlust and energizing me. My strength was returning, my sense of being, was returning. I drank some more and became elated at the knowledge that I could survive on the blood of animals. I could be this….this creature and not harm humans. Animals could provide me with sustenance now just as they had when I had been human."

"And you have never tasted human blood?" Edward marvelled.

"_Just yours, and that was only enough to change you." _I admitted.

"Killing animals doesn't bother you?"

"_I am a peaceful person, but I ate animals as a human, this isn't that different."_

"There must be more to your story." Edward urged.

"_There is, much more. But we have all the time in the world."_

"I would very much like to hear more."

"_I can tell by your eyes that you need to get out to hunt again. I will tell you more as I drive us to the forest."_


	8. Chapter 8

Edward's POV

Carlisle quickly ushered me out to his vehicle. The sun was shining brightly and he needed to get me secured inside the vehicle before any humans crossed our path. I could hear the thoughts of several people, as well as smell them, but I didn't see anyone. I could feel the burning sensation settling once again in my throat. It was hard to believe I could possibly be this thirsty again after feeding so recently.

"Why so soon?" I gasped, as the burning increased its intensity.

"_It's natural for a newborn to feed often." _Carlisle assured me. _"As time goes on, you will be able to go without feeding for much longer periods."_

"But you went for months without feeding, right after you were changed." I protested.

"_I had to, Edward. I had made my decision to not harm humans. I had no other choice."_

"So it's not recommended to not feed, in other words?"

"_Absolutely not! You will lose strength and soon become crazed with blood lust. Then you will want to feed on the first thing that crosses your path, as I did. Fortunately, I discovered that our kind could survive on the blood of animals, I honestly can't understand why others still feed on humans." _Carlisle shook his head slowly, in disgust or disappointment, I couldn't tell for sure. _"The only way to learn control and to live among humans is to keep yourself fully satisfied by hunting as often as you need to."_

"You can't be expected to take me to hunt whenever I need though." I protested. "You have a job, patients to care for…" My words died off as the burning thirst took over my senses. I screamed in frustration and hunger.

"_Steady Edward. My job is care for you now, son." _Carlisle touched my arm gently. _"My sole mission now is to ensure you become a honourable young man."_

I growled in pain as I clawed at the door and the seat of the car, eager to find a way to get closer to the smell of the humans walking outside as we passed by in the car. The scent made the fire in my throat flare. I prayed we were close to the forest. I couldn't restrain myself much longer.

As if he was reading my mind, Carlisle murmured out loud. "Almost there Edward, you can do it. Remember what you want to become. You can do this."

I continued my low growling, my body twisting in the seat, the agonizing pain reaching a crescendo. I couldn't bear it any longer and prepared to bolt out of the seat. Without making a sound, Carlisle appeared at my open door, and pulled me out of my seat. "We're here. I'm proud of you." He gave my shoulder a brief squeeze and then pushed me forward. "Go, I'll be waiting here for you."

I stared at Carlisle for a moment before the hunger raged anew. I ran off and felled a deer within seconds. I drank eagerly and felt the burning slowly decrease in intensity. Quickly, I drank from three others before I took a moment to rest. I sat at the base of a tree and sighed as I recalled Carlisle's words. "Remember what you want to become." Did I? Did I truly care about being a "good" vampire? Did I even want to continue being a vampire? I had seen in Carlisle's thoughts how he had tried to kill himself when he had discovered what he had become. But there must be ways to kill a vampire. I had heard the myths - a stake through the heart, garlic, being out in the daylight - I knew that last myth, at least, was false. My mere presence in the forest confirmed that. We could be out in the daylight, we just couldn't let anyone see us. As I pondered the possible ways to remove a vampire from this earth, I wondered did I still want to…die? My mother had seemed to know what Carlisle was, why else would she have been so insistent that Carlisle be the one to save me? There must have been other doctors that tended to us during our illnesses. If she knew what Carlisle was, she also knew what I would become. There must have been something that Mother could see or read about Carlisle, there must have been a reason she wanted this life for me. I sighed again and pushed myself away from the tree.

"_How are you feeling?" _I heard Carlisle's question as I started by journey back to the clearing. I sped through the trees and stepped out to meet him in mere moments. "I'm well, satisfied, the burning has eased greatly."

"_You look…is something bothering you son?" _Carlisle looked shocked at my sudden appearance.

I stared at him, reading the thoughts running through his head, wondering if I should tell him mine.

"You've called me son several times now." I said, my voice even and firm.

"I know we've discussed this, however, I do consider you my son. I sincerely hope it doesn't upset you too much."

"I…I'm trying to come to terms with it. My father never…he didn't …" I tried to get the words out, but I couldn't. It just wasn't right to speak ill of the dead when they had so recently passed. "I loved my father." I mumbled. "I could never tell him that though."

"I am sure your father loved you as well." Carlisle assured me.

"Can we discuss other things?" My voice sounded pained. " Why do you consider me to be your son? Because you made me what I am?"

Carlisle regarded me carefully. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a tree. "There are many reasons, Edward. I have already told you that I had been contemplating… finding a companion for some time. I had always hoped that if it ever happened, that that companion would come to be like family to me. My father was the only family I had and I miss him greatly, the concept of family is very important to me."

"You feel responsible for me." It was a statement more than a question.

"Absolutely." Carlisle assured me. "I was the one to change you. I brought this life to you. I feel the need to ensure you become a decent, sensible, caring young man."

"But why?" I cried out in anguish. "Tell me why you care, when my own father…" The words broke off in my throat, I couldn't utter them.

"Your father loved you." Carlisle put his hands on my shoulders. "As did your mother. You were their only son. They loved you dearly."

"I know my mother did." I said in a barely audible whisper.

I could hear Carlisle's thoughts - he didn't think it was possible for my father to have loved me less than my mother had.

"Why don't we walk, and hunt of course, and you can tell me about your mother and father? Your human memories will start to fade soon. By telling me, I can remind you whenever you need about your human family." He squeezed my shoulders gently, then slowly turned me so we were both facing the forest. "Let's take a walk, son."

"I want to hear more about your life." I complained as we wandered leisurely through the forest. I was trying to delay discussing my family as long as I possibly could.

"Edward, my memories are not going anywhere. A vampire can remember every event in his life from the time of transformation. Human memories, however, fade rather quickly. Next week, at this time, you probably will find it difficult to recall what your parents looked like." Carlisle's voice was quietly sympathetic.

""Do you remember your father?"

"I do, but only because I went to see him often, once I could control my thirst."

"You showed yourself to your father?" I asked, my eyes wide with wonder.

"No, never." Carlisle shook his head in remorse. "My father would never have understood. He would have considered me to be a demon come to drink his blood. He would have had me killed."

"Then how…?"

"I hid outside at night, I watched through the windows. I just wanted to make sure he was well without me there to assist him."

"He never knew what had happened to you?"

Carlisle was quiet for several moments. "No. As far as my father knew, I had died in the vampire attack with my two partners. He lived the rest of his life mourning his son."

It was my turn to be quiet. "At least I can spare my parents that." I finally said softly.

"Small mercies." Carlisle agreed.

We walked on, not knowing or caring how far we travelled. It wouldn't take us long to return to Carlisle's vehicle no matter how far we went. On the way, we each felled a deer and drank heartily.

Carlisle brushed the back of his hand across his mouth and settled against the solid trunk of a tree with a sigh. "Ah, I didn't realize how thirsty I was!" he exclaimed. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much." I agreed. "The burning is almost gone." I sat across from Carlisle and folded my hands into my lap.

"Now, please Edward, I would like to hear about your family."

I drew in a deep breath and loudly exhaled. "There isn't really a lot to tell. I'm only seventeen. My father was a rather successful lawyer. Mother stayed home with me. I'm not sure why I was an only child, but I enjoyed not having to share with anyone. I grew up not ever wanting for anything. Father provided for my mother and myself very well. I went to private schools. I had music lessons."

"Music lessons?" Carlisle interrupted me. "What do you play?"

"Piano mostly. I did learn some wind instruments, but the piano was my passion." I admitted.

"Wonderful." Carlisle smiled. "You will have to play for me sometime. I love to listen to a skilled pianist. "

"My father paid for the best teachers and I loved to play. My mother would sit and do embroidery while I played." I smiled wistfully as I recalled her soft, gentle voice singing along as my fingers played over the piano keys.

"And your father, he enjoyed your playing?"

"He never really heard me play." My voice turned cold. "He was always away on business, or he had business to attend to at home. He encouraged me, but he never listened to me."

Carlisle nodded, his mouth a firm line. I knew he had things he wanted to say but he didn't interrupt me again.

"Father was very…distant…" I tried to remember a time when my father had hugged me or shown me love. My human memory was either already fading or there was nothing to remember. "He was a good father, don't get me wrong. But he didn't show me love like mother did. I couldn't hug him or tell him I loved him. And, of course, he never hugged me. It wasn't a 'manly'thing to do."

"Your mother showed you love though." Carlisle 's thoughts were much darker than his words. He could not understand a man not showing love to his son.

"Yes, Mother loved me very much. She encouraged me in every way and every thing. I never had to try for her affections." I smiled. " There was only one thing Mother didn't encourage me to do."

"What was that?"

"I became rather fixated with the idea of becoming a soldier. Maybe it was my way of bonding with Father, my way of showing him I could be a man. But Mother was firmly against it. She was terrified of losing me to the war."

"She was terrified of losing you to anything." Carlisle stated, quietly.

I frowned, remembering Mother's pleas for Carlisle to save me, at any cost. "She got her wish. I became ill before I could enlist. You know what happened from there." I stared at the ground, unwilling to meet Carlisle's eyes.

"Thank you for sharing with me." Carlisle finally broke the silence. "I know it must have been hard for you."

"Would it be possible to visit my home…my old home?" I amended quickly. "I think I would like to see it one last time."

"I think we can arrange that." Carlisle smiled wamly. "Let's head back and I'll try to get some information on your house."

We travelled swiftly back to the car. Carlisle once again asked if I was satisfied before we left for the city. I assured him I was. I settled into the seat and tried not to breath in as we passed through the city streets. It made passing by the humans a little more bearable. Once we were back to the house I breathed a sigh of relief. I had made the trip once again without harming anyone. Carlisle nodded approvingly, his mouth turned up in a genuine smile.

"Carlisle?" I hesitated before entering my room. He turned and looked at me expectantly.

"My father never told me that he was proud of me."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed, his thoughts were warring with his features. He wanted his face to remain calm, even though he was furious.

"Thank you for saying that to me. I truly appreciate it."


	9. Chapter 9

Carlisle's POV

For the next few days, I threw myself into obtaining information regarding the Masen house. I allowed myself to take some time from the hospital even though the influenza epidemic was still raging. I generally worked at night as there were less staff , most doctors didn't wish to work throughout the night. I didn't worry about the patients, they were far too ill to notice my cold hands or pale white skin. I explained to the head of staff that I had a family emergency and needed to be available for them at all hours for an undetermined time. I felt horrible about leaving the patients , I cared for them deeply, but Edward was my concern now. I had to be there for him.

As I researched the Masen house, I tried to keep my thoughts neutral regarding Edwards father. I know he tried to not read my thoughts, but he couldn't help it, my voice naturally was the loudest one he heard since I was closest to him. I knew any negative thoughts that drifted through my mind hurt him, he would wince and shake his head slightly. "Carlisle, let it go, please.", he would murmur and drop his head back to his book. Edward was spending his time reading through my collection of books, he was devouring a book a day it seemed. I think it helped him keep distracted, both from the siren song of the humans blood and to keep the voices at bay by having something else to concentrate on. Every now and then he would raise his head and stare blindly at the wall, then press his fingers to his temple as he shut his eyes tightly. I could only imagine the things he was hearing, it pained me to watch him.

"Edward, I have some good news for you. I have found the information about your home."

Edward looked up from the thick volume he was reading. "Can we go and see it? I'm finding it difficult to recall what it looks like."

"That is normal, Edward. You will find your human memories fading quickly. Once you see your home now though, you will be able to recall it with perfect clarity at any time."

"I can only vaguely recall what my parents look like." Edwards voice was low.

"I'm sure you have photographs at the house."

"I believe so."

"Then have no worries, son. Once you see them you will never forget what they look like again."

"What is happening with the house?" Edward questioned. "Is it being sold?"

I tried to keep my mind free from my thoughts. "As a matter of fact, it's already been sold."

Edwards face fell. "Already sold? So soon? Have the new owners moved in?"

"No, they really have no hurry to move."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "You are trying very hard to hide your thoughts from me. I'm a bit tired of hearing 'God save the King' running through my mind."

I smiled in spite of myself. "I bought the house, Edward. I bought it for you."

"I don't understand."

I smiled at him. "I purchased the house and contents in your name."

"But I'm supposed to be dead, Carlisle. How can I own my own house?"

I handed him the papers. Edwards eyes flicked over the documents reading quickly. "Edward A.M. Cullen?"

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

"I…I don't know what to say. It's far too expensive, Carlisle."

Edward's POV

Carlisle explained to me how he had acquired what sounded like a vast fortune to me. After existing for over 300 years, he knew how to manage his finances extremely well. He had invested, purchased properties and banked his money to guarantee him wealth for as long as he desired. He told me how he had purchased his own family estate and hired people to care for it, while he remained anonymous. I couldn't believe he had managed to own his own home and not be discovered over all these years.

"After some time, all the people you knew when you were alive die." Carlisle explained. "Several decades on, they believe you are a family relation eager to hold onto a piece of family history."

I shook my head in amazement.

"This will be the start of your investments, Edward. I am so happy I could do this simple gesture for you."

"But, Carlisle, what do we need money for? We can travel faster on foot than any vehicle, we don't need food, we have everything we need here."

"We have to keep up the human illusion, son. We need to change our clothing like humans do, purchase the newest vehicles. Things are changing all the time and if we are to remain undetected among humans, we need all the current things that humans own as well. I don't condone thievery, so we need to have money available."

Carlisle and I travelled to my former home that night. We scaled the trees surrounding it and entered the house on the second story from a window in my bedroom, my former bedroom.

"Take whatever you want, Edward." Carlisle encouraged. "I want you to be comfortable in your new home. But remember, we can't make it too obvious that things are missing, your uncle is sure to notice."

Carlisle had told me earlier that my uncle was looking after the care of my house for me. The contents of the house, including all the furniture was to remain and would be sold some time in the future. But Carlisle had agreed that I could remove some treasure possessions to keep with me in my new life.

Together we had gathered some of my beloved books and journals. Carlisle offered to take them to the car while I looked through my home for the final time. He disappeared through the window as I slowly turned and memorized my bedroom to my vampire memory. I gathered a few more journals that were laying on a shelf before leaving my room and moving down the hallway to my parents room. I picked up a framed photograph of my parents and one of my parents and myself that were resting on a side table. I had to take those with me. I found my human memories were fading quickly. I needed these to remind myself of who I really was - Edward Anthony Masen the second, son of Edward and Elizabeth. I added the photographs to the small pile of books and continued my journey through my parents room. I ran my hands over my mothers dressing table, touching her hairbrush, mirror, her gloves. My fathers pipe lay on his table, along with his cufflinks and a necktie. I breathed in deeply, inhaling their scent, committing it to memory. My searching fingers trailed across her jewellery box and I lifted the latch. I gently lifted a necklace from the velvet pouch it rested in.

""My father gave this to my mother last Christmas day." I answered Carlisle's unspoken question as he entered the room. "She loved it very much."

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder and I made no attempt to shrug it away.

"Son, I have your mother and father's wedding rings at the house for you."

I nodded in gratitude. I had always dreamed that my wife would someday wear my mothers ring. I knew that dream was now dead, but I still wanted them.

Carlisle and I moved through the house together, Carlisle kindly giving me the time and space to properly absorb my last moments in the empty house that had always been my home.

"It's almost daylight, Edward, is there anything else you would like to take with you?"

My eyes immediately travelled to the grand piano in the formal living room. I let my gaze linger, before I shook my head slowly. Music had been my salvation many times in the past. I knew that the piano would be missed and had to stay in place. Carlisle nodded, understanding.

"Whenever you are ready, Edward."

I sat at the piano and let me fingers drift lightly over the keys. I knew I couldn't even play because any sound coming out of the house would be noticed by surrounding neighbours. I continued to sit in silence, imaging the sound. Noticing the sun rising outside, I rose and carefully closed the lid of the piano. This was all that was left of my human life and I had to leave it behind. I had finally accepted that my new, vampire life lay ahead of me for time unknown. It was time to move on.

"I'm done, Carlisle. Let's go home."


End file.
